Mirror Bias: How Assumptions Shape Relationships at Home and Work
Understanding Mirror Bias and How It Impacts Communication, Decision-Making, and Collaboration
Let’s start with a story.
A husband and wife care deeply for each other but express their love differently. The wife values quality time together and assumes her husband feels loved when they spend meaningful moments together. Meanwhile, the husband often shows his love through acts of service, such as fixing things around the house or running errands. He assumes these actions make his wife feel appreciated.
The Wife’s Perspective - The wife believes her husband values quality time as much as she does. She feels unloved or ignored when he focuses on projects or errands instead of spending time with her. She assumes his actions indicate a lack of care, projecting her preferences onto him.
The Husband’s Perspective - The husband assumes his acts of service effectively communicate his love because that’s how he feels cared for. He prioritizes tasks over quality time, believing his wife understands his actions as expressions of affection.
The Result
Both partners feel underappreciated:
The wife feels emotionally disconnected because her husband isn’t prioritizing quality time.
The husband feels his efforts go unnoticed, leaving him unacknowledged.
This situation exemplifies Mirror Bias—each partner assumes the other sees the world as they do.
What is Mirror Bias?
Mirror bias is projecting one’s beliefs, values, attitudes, or thought processes onto others, assuming they think, feel, or behave the same way. This bias often leads to misunderstandings, preventing us from accurately considering others’ perspectives, motivations, or priorities—mainly when they differ.
How Mirror Bias Impacts the Workplace
Mirror bias doesn’t just affect personal relationships; it can cause significant challenges at work. Here are six common examples:
1. Miscommunication and Misunderstandings
Example: A manager assumes everyone on the team prefers detailed instructions. When they provide granular guidance, employees who value autonomy may feel micromanaged.
Effect: Frustration, resentment, and inefficiency.
2. Poor Decision-Making
Example: During a brainstorming session, a leader dismisses an idea that doesn’t align with their thinking, assuming others see it as impractical.
Effect: Innovation is stifled, and diverse perspectives are overlooked.
3. Conflicts Between Employees
Example: An employee interprets a colleague’s tardiness as a lack of commitment, projecting their values about punctuality onto the other person.
Effect: False assumptions escalate tensions and harm workplace relationships.
4. Misaligned Motivations
Example: A manager motivates the team with financial rewards, assuming money drives everyone. However, some employees value career growth or work-life balance more.
Effect: Employees become disengaged or dissatisfied.
5. Cultural or Generational Misunderstandings
Example: A leader from one culture projects their communication style onto employees from a different cultural background, failing to adapt to other norms.
Effect: Collaboration and inclusivity suffer due to cultural blind spots.
6. Biased Performance Evaluations
Example: A supervisor gives higher ratings to employees whose work style mirrors their own, undervaluing equally effective but different approaches.
Effect: Unfair evaluations lead to missed promotions and decreased morale.
How to Address Mirror Bias at Work
Here are five practical strategies to reduce the impact of mirror bias in your workplace:
1. Cultivate Self-Awareness - Regularly question whether your assumptions about others are based on their behavior or your projections.
2. Seek Input - Seek feedback from diverse team members to understand their perspectives, motivations, and preferences.
3. Adopt Empathy - practice stepping into others’ shoes by considering how their experiences, goals, and priorities differ from your own.
4. Foster Open Communication - Create an environment where employees feel safe expressing their needs and viewpoints, reducing reliance on assumptions.
5. Invest in Training - Provide training on emotional intelligence and cultural competence to help employees and leaders recognize and mitigate biases.
Mirror bias often leads us to assume others see the world as we do. This assumption creates stories we tell ourselves about why others act a certain way—stories that may not be true. Recognizing and addressing mirror bias can improve relationships at home and work by fostering Empathy, understanding, and collaboration.
Do you have any good examples of this in your work world?
Of course, it may be that other people don't see it the way you do and are, therefore, wrong, but that could be a story you are telling yourself.